I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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