Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
