The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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