the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
