if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Randomize
