I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize