At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i love accidental penises.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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