Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
