you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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