I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I want to fling myself into the sun
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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