if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
