Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
