I would go down on you faster than GM stock
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
