i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
