If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
