I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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