I faked an abortion last night.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize