Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
