What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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