Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
