This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
