He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
