Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
