The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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