just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
