I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize