Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
