kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
