so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
