Non-Jews are for practice
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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