i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
