I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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