I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
