I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
