We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize