what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
