2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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