Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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