Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
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