haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
NoShamevember. You game?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
