Where is the hickey?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
