Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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