Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
