Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
