I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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