Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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