too bad you live with your parents still
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
