Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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