the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
