Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
