I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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