1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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