I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
