You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize