Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
