Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
