I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
