I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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