have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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