I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
