its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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