I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
