It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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