they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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