Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
