I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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