Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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