Betty ford says i'm here all night
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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