I will die if light touches me.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
